What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What do you mean son?

Do you know what she said mum?

Why does my dog keep licking at her privates now? She is 7 years old and has barely started licking there. The vet said she’s fine but she keeps doing that.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

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My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

True - how I loved my mum!

What! how could you do that?

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”